Men?s affairs in particular are often the cause of troubled marriages and not the effect. In my data, 56 percent of men who entered into affairs said they had ?happy? or ?very happy? marriages, compared with 30 percent of women. For men, the strongest predictor for having an affair is their attitudes and values about monogamy. For women, it?s marital unhappiness.
~ Shirley Glass, Ph.D.
Interesting information from one of the guru?s in our field. Affairs are one of the most common issues we see in our office, and one of the most difficult to resolve. So often we hear the stories of how people slid down the slippery slope of an affair.
How can you and your partner affair-proof your relationship?
Here are a few tips:
1. Talk about monogamy.
The most difficult part of recovering from an affair is dealing with the pain one partner has caused the other and the guilt that results. If people had a greater awareness of the devastation they would create as a result of betraying marital trust, they might think twice if the opportunity for an affair arose. Dialog with your partner about fidelity and the importance of it in your relationship.
2. Carry your marriage with you.
Here?s the rule of thumb: If you are doing or saying something that you couldn?t share with your partner, you shouldn?t be doing it. Filter all your interactions through the lens of your spouse.
3. Nurture your marital connection.
Talk with your partner about how each of you is feeling about the connection: head, heart and hormones. All too often people say they are too busy. No excuses. If you don?t make time and energy for your relationship it will drift. Make your marriage your first priority.
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, Always with the same person. ~ Mignon McLaughlin
We would love to know your ideas about creative ways to keep your love alive on our Facebook page.
Here?s to your relationship,
Lori and Bob Hollander
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Lori Hollander, LCSW-C, BCD, and Bob Hollander, LCSW-C, JD, are licensed counselors and co-founders of Relationships Work, an innovative therapy practice and online resource center that gives couples 360 degrees of support for extraordinary partnerships. Sign up for Radical Relationships, a monthly eZine from Relationships Work, and receive Why Take the Journey to Extraordinary? absolutely free.
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